Bullying
What is bullying?
Bullying is ongoing behaviour towards a person with the intention of causing them harm or distress. It can happen in school, clubs, home or online ('cyber bullying') and involves many kinds of behaviour, including exclusion from activities and physical violence.
What are some signs my child is being bullied?
- Being withdrawn or anxious
- Being worried about going to school and feigning illness to avoid school
- Bruising and cuts
- Low self-esteem and a drop in confidence
- A change in behaviour, such as wetting the bed or having trouble sleeping
- Their belongings going missing
- Having few friends
- Depression and self harming
Some of these behaviours may have other explanations, but if you are concerned or your child is displaying several of these signs, it is important to seek help or advice. Speak to the school to share your concerns and ask that they monitor your child and their interaction with other pupils.
Is bullying different for children with special educational needs or disabilities?
Some people hold negative views and stereotypes of people with disabilities. Often a person is bullied because they are seen as different or vulnerable by the bully. Some special educational needs and disabilities can increase a child's general vulnerability.
Parents may have concerns about bullying when their child has special educational needs or disabilities because:
- Their child may not understand that the behaviour towards them is bullying.
- Communication barriers may make it difficult for a child to say they are being bullied.
- Social isolation due to the disability reduces their support network.
- Being less able to defend themselves, either physically or verbally.
The charity Contact has produced advice for parents of children with disabilities or additional needs, who are being bullied, including advice about how to speak to your child's school and what to do it if the school does not resolve the bullying.
What is a hate crime?
Hate incidents and hate crime are acts of violence or hostility directed at people because of who they are or who someone thinks they are.
Criminal behaviour towards people with SEND because they have a disability is a hate crime.
If you or your child has been the victim of a crime on the basis of their disability or perceived disability in Surrey, you can report this to the Surrey Police.
What can parents do to support their child who is being bullied?
- Talk to the school and ask to see their anti-bullying policy.
- Keep a record of incidences and show this to the member of staff supporting your child.
- Talk to your child regularly about bullying, so that it is a comfortable subject to discuss in your home. This means that if they do experience bullying, they will find it easier to tell you.
- Practice assertiveness skills with your child, to help them feel confident to respond appropriately to the bully.
- Help your child to relax at home and encourage them to turn off their phone if they are experiencing cyber-bullying.
- Teach your child how to stay safe online. You can find advice from the Cybersmile Foundation's Help Centre.
- If your child has been impacted emotionally by bullying, or they are struggling with their mental health, they may benefit from counselling. Speak to your GP for advice or go to MindWorks Surrey (formerly CAHMS).
Where to find support?
The following services may be able to offer further advice and support:
- National Bullying Helpline provides help with bullying, harassment, cyberbullying or other anti-social behaviour issues.
- Kidscape a charity which provides advice to young people and parents to tackle bullying.
- Bullies Out provides information, advice, guidance and training to parents and young people around dealing with bullying, including e-mentoring support.
- Chat Health a text service for young people aged 11-19 at secondary school in Surrey to speak to, or make a confidential appointment with a school nurse, for advice on a wide range of issues including bullying. It can be contacted on 07507 329951
- Kooth a free and confidential online counselling service for young people.
- Young Minds Parent Helpline a free and confidential helpline for anyone worried about the emotional problems or behaviour of a child or young person.